Life is music and your heart keeps the steady beat.

Have you ever been around someone so much that when they leave it tears a little hole in your heart. I have.

Steven left for MEPS this morning and he flies out of Portland tomorrow morning. I miss him so much already. I know what he is doing is for the best. I will see him in six weeks, but then I will have to say goodbye to everyone I love and know. It will be hard, but I know I will make it through.

I can't wait to receive the first letter from him and then the first phone call. I just don't know when they will come. I guess I will wait and see. I only hope that he will call my cell phone...other wise there is a good chance that I will miss his call. That would make me sad.

My boys and I will get to spend 2 years with him before he goes out on tour and then two years without him. I am sure I will be fine...and he will be happy...he leaves just as the terrible twos start for the boys. lol.

I miss him so much and I love him just as much.

Well, they say almost all mothers get the "baby blues"...I think I have stumbled upon them. I feel a little down and it doesn't help that I feel like my babies daddy doesn't want to be around them much. He says that his dad will only allow him to spend time with the boys for one hour a day. If that is true...gah...I mean...Steven is 21 years old he should be able to stand up to his dad and be like..."MY KIDS I'M GOING" he can't...It drives me crazy. He hadn't spent time with them today...so I was like hey...be home soon...come see them...he kept telling me to call him at 11... He knows I won't so I asked what is the deal...He says..."I just want a day to myself." I was like OMG...he says he is tired...HELLO...I have been waking up every couple of hours for the past week with our children not really sleeping during the day...maybe an hour nap in the evening...He says he is tired...he sleeps at home almost all night and part of the day. He drives me nuts yet I still seem to care some how. GAH

Anywho on a good note...I took my boys shopping for the first time today...I found little U of O and OSU jerseys with the football pants, but they were too big... I want them to be little football players for Halloween.

Well I hope all is well with everyone and their summer is good before school starts and for all the college goers GOOD LUCK and HAVE FUN!

So finally after being in the hospital for two weeks and two days, my boys are home! They have taken to the new environment pretty well. They sleep most of the time for now. They have been awake a little bit just looking around. It is so nice to have them here in a bed next to mine. Not having to go downstairs to see them and having nurses and people all around watching my every move with them.

It is a little weird to me...Having these two little baby boys...who grew inside of me. They are so cute and I want to hold them all the time, but I know I can't. I watch them sleep just to make sure they are okay and to keep it all real to me.

I love them so much. Seriously if you don't think you can love anything so much that it hurts, kills, or what ever...wait until you have kids of your own. I never thought I could love anything as much as I love my boys.

Well I am going to lay down for about an hour and get up to feed then go to bed for a few hours.

Hope all is well with everyone!

Loves,

Britt